Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

The Reintroduction Of Daddy

Regular readers will know that my Ex has been working away for the last 3 1/2 months and I’m not going to pretend I haven’t enjoyed it. He was due back last Friday but due to the Icelandic Volcano erupting on Thursday, that’s all on hold at the moment. The plan had been that he would spend some time here with the girls on Saturday morning and then take them back to his with him till Tuesday morning, when he would drop them to school and nursery. Then J (his new partner) would collect them on Thursday afternoon to take them with her to his Medal Parade and then they would again stay at his over night.

 

Due to natural occurrences beyond anyone’s control he has obviously not got back yet, but through some long winded itinery they are now hopefully going to be back by Wednesday. That means the Parade will most probably still go ahead. It does however leave me in a little bit of a quandary. Before I start, I am in no way trying to stop him seeing my girls as much as he wants when he gets back – but I do have a gut worry about how it’s all going to effect H.

 

H lately has had a massive attachment to me. She hates it when I leave her at nursery, walk out the room, or even leave her with my Mum, who she sees 4 or 5 times a week and used to willingly go to on every occasion. My worry is that should he return Wednesday and the parade still be on Thursday, that she will be collected by J and my MIL (who she has seen twice in the last 3 months), taken to an out door parade which is due to start bang on tea time. Then be taken back to his home and expected to sleep. B understands it all, she remembers who Daddy is and remembers his house etc. H is 21 months and although she has spoken to him on the phone in her own way a few times, she hasn’t seen him in what is a long time for a toddler.

 

B went through a similar experience at a slightly younger age. We were together then and even with him being in her home it took her a week to come round to him properly.  So my worry is based on past experience. Plus, he is going to have to face this with his other daughter he now has with J who is 8 months. It won’t be easy, but at least little L has her Mummy there the whole time, there is stability. The only stability H will have is B. So, I am kind of wondering what is my best line of action with this. Do I let her go and hope that between them they can comfort her enough. Do I let her go but insist she is brought home afterwards rather than stay at his. Or do I say B can go but not H – which I really don’t want to do for a number of reasons. Had I not been at work I would willingly take my girls with me. As much as my relationship with him is over and ended in a lot of hurt, I really do respect what he has to do for his job and am proud to be a part of that even if far removed now. I just don’t want to cause unnecessary upset to my daughter by just going along with the plan as if nothing has changed.

 

I guess at the end of the day I will just have to wait until he is home and then discuss it with him. But I would really love some feedback as to how it’s best to deal with this, best for H that is. I want her to have a relationship with her Dad, but I don’t want her to feel it is forced upon her. Parenting is hard enough at the best of times eh!!!

April 18, 2010 Posted by | Parenting | , , , , | 13 Comments

The Next Step for Recovery

It’s been 2 years and a day since my marriage ended, but it’s a good thing that it is only now that I realise I managed the anniversary without even a second thought to what the day was. Yet today felt right for the next step on the road to recovery after what I went through.

Today I wrote some emails and mentally decided that it is no longer relevant to play the hurt ex wife card because for one, I don’t want to any more, I wouldn’t want to go back and love my life now; but also because the only people it causes issues for is my 2 beautiful girls. So my 1st email was to my ex mother in law. It’s no great secret we never got on while I was married to her son and quite honestly I don’t expect that to ever change but I won’t let that get between her and her Granddaughters. She had invited both the girls and myself to an Easter Egg Hunt at her house last month and I said I would let her know. I’ve now RSVP’ed and said we will be there. The issue here is not my Mother in Law though, it’s the fact that my ex best friend and mother to my ex husband’s 3rd daughter will also be there. The ex himself is working abroad and so gets out of the 1st meeting between me and his new woman, we haven’t seen each other in the last 2 years. B however, is so excited that not only does she get to go to the hunt, but that I will be there with her too.

After writing this email I also emailed my ex to let him know that although I had said before he left that I was happy for the girls to see their younger sister while he was away, that this has only happened once when they stayed at his Mum’s as the other woman (OT) has failed to contact me. I didn’t lay the blame but said that it was maybe time we need to sit down and become a united front when he gets home, rather than B in particular thinking that because of how I feel about OT she can play us off against each other. She had started doing so before he went away – without success – but I know how her mind works! I hesitated before sending, but sent it never the less.

Then tonight as I was getting H ready for bed my phone bleeped as I received a text. I picked up my phone and smiled, I had a text from my best friend, I hadn’t heard from her in ages – about 2 years……………oh yeah that’s right, she lives with my husband now, has a kid with him and caused our divorce. It was like a knife all over again. She just wanted to say if I want to meet up with the kids before the Easter Hunt, where there will be about 15 kids and their parents all of which are my ex family in law who I was never really close too, to let her know so we can sort something. All of a sudden I began wondering if I am really ready for this next move.

 Love, hate, and the Wikipedia contributor culture problem by opensourceway.

My family think it’s something that should never happen, but with 3 young girls mixed into it all and the fact that bitterness and anger doesn’t do anyone any good, I can’t just carry on blocking that part of their lives. I know I will never get my best friend or my husband back, and heaven knows I don’t want that, but at the end of the day should I really stay bitter when their actions have actually made me happier. I know it won’t be easy. I don’t want my girls to hold it against me that they don’t see their sister when Daddy is away. I also don’t want to come across to his family that I have some kind of shame that I drop the girls off and stay away when none of them asked for this situation either. If I don’t do this now then when? When B gets married? When H has her 1st child? I need to do it now to move on to the next stage of life. This is the new page after drawing a line under the old life I had and hopefully together we can write my girls a fairytale.

I’d love to know your views on this, or if you’ve been through similar and reassure me I am doing what’s right for my kids! 

 

Picture Credit: opensourceway

March 8, 2010 Posted by | Parenting | , , , , | 13 Comments