Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

The Most Difficult Things in the World!

I have two major things changing in my life right now and they are feeling like the hardest things to deal with right now. So I am opening up in the hope that my lovely readers can help me through it all!

The first is the fact that I have gone back to work after 2 years of being a stay at home single mum. It’s not the job, that’s a challenge, a lot to learn – but I have some fantastic colleagues and my boss is brilliant. It’s the changes at home that I thought I was prepared for but it turns out, I wasn’t! H has been going to nursery 1 afternoon a week for just over a year now. I started her going when I thought I had my old job to go back to after my maternity leave. When that fell through I kept her there for two reasons, firstly for the social aspect. At the time I had no real friends here and it was good for us to have a few hours break from each other and her mix with other young children. I also did it to keep her place there as I knew I would eventually return to work and after being on the waiting list and getting a place I didn’t want to lose that.

Last week I returned to work and H was in nursery for 2 1/2 days. The first day she willingly went in and toddled off without even a second glance to me. Great. It had worked. She already knew the place, the staff and the children. Day two she was a little less willing but still no tears and day 3 was the same. Then she was off for 4 days. She was full of cold for those four days, with a high temperature and just generally not herself. Monday morning came around and although I was on my day off, I took her as her routine needs establishing. She screamed the place down when I passed her over as she refused to walk in herself. She was very clingy when I collected her and it has been the same all week. Tonight she came home and wouldn’t let me go. She is eating, but not like she used to. She is still fighting off the tail end of the cold she had. She won’t eat anything but banana and raisins for breakfast – she was eating weetabix or rice crispies before and breakfast has never been a chore with her. More concerning than that is that she isn’t drinking. She used to drink on average 6 cups of various drinks throughout the day. Now I take her to nursery with a beaker of juice, she comes home and hasn’t finished it. She doesn’t have a full drink with breakfast and today had drunk nothing from 5pm to 7pm. She was screaming for juice but wouldn’t drink it. In the end good old Grandma came round and help me to get her to drink something before bed, without making it a big issue. It’s all so out of character for me and as she has never been a crying baby or toddler I have to admit it really upset me tonight. I seemed unable to give her what she wanted!

I was expecting difficulties with the change of routine but I wasn’t prepared for this! She is teething too and seems to have a sore mouth which doesn’t help. But not only that, I am conscious that with how clingy she has become, B is feeling it too that there is no time for me and her these days. On the plus there though, it is Easter holidays after tomorrow, and both weeks I have made sure I have a day off where it’s just me and B so hopefully that side of things will be better soon.

To top all this off, I am also having to say “Bon Voyage” to my very dear friend Mumtoj who is emigrating to Australia next Wednesday. I met her about a year ago, but in the last 7 months our friendship has grown to one of those you just know will stand the test of time. I have known for ages that she would be going back to Oz with her family just as soon as they sold their house and I’ll be honest and say that in the back of mind initially I didn’t want to get close because saying goodbye is just so hard.7535_135964005582_626560582_2938743_6649079_n However, I am glad I didn’t listen to that little voice because our friendship is something I’m glad I will have in my heart forever. On paper we are so different, but it works. We talk about anything and everything and I am completely myself with her. Not just that but her J and my H are the best of friends even though he is 2 1/2 years older than her, they play together so well and are very close. So on Saturday we are going for our last day out. We are hopefully (weather dependent) taking all 3 kids to the seaside for the day, with fish and chips, buckets and spades and lots of laughter. I can’t wait, but at the same time, I am dreading the end of the day. I don’t want to say goodbye. I’m a jibbering wreck when I say goodbye to people. Plus I have to stay strong for the kids, H won’t understand properly, but B and J will. I’m not alone in saying goodbye though, she said her goodbyes to the rest of our group of friends today and I know they feel the same. I wish her all the luck in the world and I really hope she will find happiness with her family down under.

(I know she hates this pic but it’s the only one I have of the 2 of us!!! Sorry Mumtoj!!)

So there we go, the hardest things in the world right now for me. I love my life and I know change is good, but sometimes change can be very hard to adjust to!

March 31, 2010 Posted by | Friendship, Working Mum | , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Next Step for Recovery

It’s been 2 years and a day since my marriage ended, but it’s a good thing that it is only now that I realise I managed the anniversary without even a second thought to what the day was. Yet today felt right for the next step on the road to recovery after what I went through.

Today I wrote some emails and mentally decided that it is no longer relevant to play the hurt ex wife card because for one, I don’t want to any more, I wouldn’t want to go back and love my life now; but also because the only people it causes issues for is my 2 beautiful girls. So my 1st email was to my ex mother in law. It’s no great secret we never got on while I was married to her son and quite honestly I don’t expect that to ever change but I won’t let that get between her and her Granddaughters. She had invited both the girls and myself to an Easter Egg Hunt at her house last month and I said I would let her know. I’ve now RSVP’ed and said we will be there. The issue here is not my Mother in Law though, it’s the fact that my ex best friend and mother to my ex husband’s 3rd daughter will also be there. The ex himself is working abroad and so gets out of the 1st meeting between me and his new woman, we haven’t seen each other in the last 2 years. B however, is so excited that not only does she get to go to the hunt, but that I will be there with her too.

After writing this email I also emailed my ex to let him know that although I had said before he left that I was happy for the girls to see their younger sister while he was away, that this has only happened once when they stayed at his Mum’s as the other woman (OT) has failed to contact me. I didn’t lay the blame but said that it was maybe time we need to sit down and become a united front when he gets home, rather than B in particular thinking that because of how I feel about OT she can play us off against each other. She had started doing so before he went away – without success – but I know how her mind works! I hesitated before sending, but sent it never the less.

Then tonight as I was getting H ready for bed my phone bleeped as I received a text. I picked up my phone and smiled, I had a text from my best friend, I hadn’t heard from her in ages – about 2 years……………oh yeah that’s right, she lives with my husband now, has a kid with him and caused our divorce. It was like a knife all over again. She just wanted to say if I want to meet up with the kids before the Easter Hunt, where there will be about 15 kids and their parents all of which are my ex family in law who I was never really close too, to let her know so we can sort something. All of a sudden I began wondering if I am really ready for this next move.

 Love, hate, and the Wikipedia contributor culture problem by opensourceway.

My family think it’s something that should never happen, but with 3 young girls mixed into it all and the fact that bitterness and anger doesn’t do anyone any good, I can’t just carry on blocking that part of their lives. I know I will never get my best friend or my husband back, and heaven knows I don’t want that, but at the end of the day should I really stay bitter when their actions have actually made me happier. I know it won’t be easy. I don’t want my girls to hold it against me that they don’t see their sister when Daddy is away. I also don’t want to come across to his family that I have some kind of shame that I drop the girls off and stay away when none of them asked for this situation either. If I don’t do this now then when? When B gets married? When H has her 1st child? I need to do it now to move on to the next stage of life. This is the new page after drawing a line under the old life I had and hopefully together we can write my girls a fairytale.

I’d love to know your views on this, or if you’ve been through similar and reassure me I am doing what’s right for my kids! 

 

Picture Credit: opensourceway

March 8, 2010 Posted by | Parenting | , , , , | 13 Comments