Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

Had Enough Now

On Monday i blogged about the fact I was starting to feel better. Oh how I wish I had kept my mouth shut! Tuesday and Wednesday I had that awful numb “I feel nothing” feeling. Then yesterday the tears returned. I don’t like to cry although I do cry easily. I find it’s a release if I am angry or upset about something, but when it is just uncontrollable crying for nothing I feel like a complete idiot, even when I am sat here on my own!

I have a week until I see the doctor again for a chat about how I am getting on and how to move forward. I know I was told that the side effects would last 1-2 weeks and I would start to feel better in 2-4 weeks but I was possibly kidding myself last week that the tablets were kicking in. I think as it turns out, the drowsy side effects were just meaning I switched off from my feelings for a while. The side effects are now wearing off, I no longer feel sick when I eat and I’m not yawning as much, but emotionally I feel back where I started! I am due to go back to work next Thursday and whilst that is a week away I am already getting panicy about it – not that I don’t want to get better or go back to work because to be honest time with my colleagues is something I do miss. Yet I’m convinced that going back to work is going to knock me back again. I know it’s a week away though and hopefully I will be feeling different though.

Thing is though I am really conscious that the people around me are fed up with it too. B keeps asking me if I am ok, to which I always say yes, so she asks why I am not at work! Mr D comes round in an evening and I can be happy and chirpy one minute and in tears the next, with no explanation. As for my family they are there for support but I don’t think any of them really get it. I don’t want to talk about it all the time but it’s always there.

I’ll keep on going, I am fed up big time of feeling this way. I wish I could just pull myself together and cheer up, but it’s really not that easy. I really feel like I am loosing me at the moment and that’s the scariest thing!

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November 25, 2011 - Posted by | Me, myself and I | , ,

9 Comments »

  1. The truth is, it’s not a question of pulling yourself together. If it was, you would do it!

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. Make an appointment if you can and go back to see the doctor soon. Get him to sign you off for another week if you need it.

    Feeling like this is every bit as real as having a broken limb, you need time to recover and if you aren’t ready yet then take some more time.

    Feeling that nobody gets it is all part of it too. At my lowest point I was surrounded by people who cared but I still felt like I was alone because no one could get inside my head.

    I promise you that DOES get better and you aren’t loosing you, you have just lost sight of you for a little while.

    It WILL be ok

    Comment by Sarah Mac | November 25, 2011 | Reply

    • Thank you!

      I have an appointment for next week, it ties on with when I’m due back to work. I never expected to be off work let alone 3 weeks and part of me does worry that I may be off for longer but everyone keeps telling me if I need it take it!

      I do feel very alone even when I’m round people but it helps hearing from people who have been through similar.

      Xx

      Comment by supersinglemum | November 25, 2011 | Reply

  2. When I was there I tried a few meds before something worked. DO make an appointment with your doctor if you need it. Love and Hugs Fiona

    Comment by Fiona Cooper (@nlpmum) | November 25, 2011 | Reply

    • Thanks for your comment. How quickly did you notice the meds working when you found the right one? I keep telling myself maybe tomorrow it will be better but it’s not happening!

      Again, it’s good to hear from people who have come through the other side because I’m finding it hard to see the other side in the distance!!

      Comment by supersinglemum | November 25, 2011 | Reply

  3. Have you tried getting one of those lamps for S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) I hear they do wonders.

    Have you ever read “The Power of Now”.?

    Hugs.

    Comment by Susie @newdaynewlesson | November 28, 2011 | Reply

    • I haven’t, mainly because it is not recommended that you use light therapy with anti depressants as it can cause seratonin syndrome. Plus I haven’t been diagnosed with SAD although things did get worse when the nights drew in! I just want to get back on track now and if it coincides with winter next year I probably will look at getting one rather than going back on medication. Who knows what the future will bring but I’m hoping it’s a happier one!!

      Havnt read the book but will take a look!

      Comment by supersinglemum | November 28, 2011 | Reply

      • Hmm, didn’t know that. See something good came of all this-I learned something new. 🙂

        Do some googling about the meds you are taking. You may find other people’s reactions to them helpful.

        Have you tried doing some kind of physical activity?

        I know that all you really want now is a big hug instead of all this advice but am hoping something may be right for you. 🙂

        Comment by Susie @newdaynewlesson | November 28, 2011 | Reply

        • Cheers!! Everything I have read from people taking these meds say once in your system they are great. Maybe I’m just ahead of myself coz they haven’t kicked in yet!!

          I know I need to be more active but it’s finding the motivation, it’s all excuses but I can’t put in words how I physically feel because of the depression!

          Thanks, hugs help so I’m going to hug my girls!!!

          Comment by supersinglemum | November 28, 2011 | Reply


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