Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

A few weeks ago I blogged about how I have been feeling lately and I got some fantastic responses, not just through my blog, but on twitter and email as well as plucking up the courage to let Mr D in on just how bad I was feeling by getting him to read my post! I did wonder whether to follow up on this because it is a pretty personal thing, but figured that 1. I found it quite therapeutic to write how I was feeling and this may be of help to me and 2. It may well help someone else out there who is going through similar issues to do something about it.

Two weeks ago I went to see the doctor, I walked in the room and burst into tears. I felt stupid. I thought I was wasting the doctors time. I was expecting to be told to pull myself together and get on with it. He requested blood tests to rule out any physical issue that may be making me feel this way and gave me a questionnaire to fill in and bring back a week later. I then drove to work and told my boss how I was feeling. Thankfully I work with people who understand all about mental illness and I was advised to take some time off, because although not physically ill, it was clear I needed to get sorted out. I shared how I was feeling with my family. I had my blood tests done and I waited for the results.

On my return to the doctors I was told my blood tests were fine and although I have to have one of them redone due to a borderline result, there was nothing there as cause for concern. I handed my questionnaire to the doctor and he said “Hmmm yes”. That was the moment I heard the words, “You are suffering from moderate to severe depression.” I wasn’t surprised, to be honest I was relieved. I wasn’t making things up. I wasn’t just in a bad mood all the time. I had an answer.

I have been taking anti depressants for a week now. The side effects are pretty yuck. They make me drowsy and so my doctor has signed me off for another 2 weeks, by when the side effects should have died down. I feel nauseous when I have eaten and my concentration isn’t what it normally is. Doesn’t paint a great picture I know, but, I am now starting to see the light. Yesterday I woke up with a smile. I still didn’t want to get out of bed, but I did. I dropped off the girls, went to Tesco without feeling paranoid about people watching my every move, I wrapped a load of Christmas pressies and I cooked a lovely tea for me and the girls. I’m getting there. I’m starting to feel like me again. And I can honestly say I am now so glad I posted that blog post!

Depression effects 1 in 4 people in the UK at some point in their lives, yet so much is still not understood and accepted. For a long time I have gone through hard times and been scared to talk to anyone for fear of being judged as inadequate as a mother, a partner and just in general as a person. Truth of the matter is though, depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain and whilst can be brought on by trauma, is not something anyone should be judged on. I know I am lucky to have a supporting partner, family and boss, but I would urge anyone fighting with depressive symptoms to ask for help. I won’t sit with regret that maybe had I spoken up sooner I could have got through this without medication, with counselling and other drug free remedies, hind sight is a wonderful thing. I would however, love for the prejudices and lack of knowledge about mental health to change!

I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can’t wait to get there!!

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November 22, 2011 - Posted by | Me, myself and I | , ,

4 Comments »

  1. I think you would be really surprised at how many people take anti depressants and who they are.

    Unfortunately the depression itself can lead people not to seek help and that fact that you have done so means that you have taken the first steps to recovery.

    It can take several weeks to feel the full benefits and you are getting there.

    Having so much support around you is great too.

    I think attitudes are changing slowly but surely and the more awareness there is the better.

    Well done you for speaking out!

    Comment by Sarah Mac | November 22, 2011 | Reply

    • In the job I do I know a lot of people are in the same boat as me and to be honest it really doesn’t surprise me but it would some people!

      Not such a great day today but yesterday was a real break through. If me speaking out helps only 1 other person seek help then it’s worth it!! Plus it does help me to write it down. Helps me make sense of it all!!

      Comment by supersinglemum | November 22, 2011 | Reply

  2. Sooo well done for writing about it. I’m sure you’re right that you will help others by just having something on here about it. I had a bout of severe depression 15 years ago when I was about 30. I was single thankfully and it must be truely aweful when you have kids to look after as well. Two months of Prozac and I was a new me. I stopped taking it and went off to do a Master’s degree – haven’t looked back. NLP has helped me hugely too. Though depression is a chemical imbalance I believe it’s also about what we put into our bodies in terms of food and (crucially) information. … clearly the prozac helped me, but I think I’ve managed to keep rid of depression by some of the things I now do – if that makes sense. I hope you are feeling better soon. Hugs.

    Comment by Fiona Cooper (@nlpmum) | November 22, 2011 | Reply

    • Thank so much for your comment. I’m so glad I blogged about thus a few weeks ago because I don’t know where I would be now otherwise! I’ve been told to expect to be on my tablets for 4-6 months, but I won’t be so hesitant to ask for help next time so hopefully I’m getting through the worst of it! You are right on the whole what we do effecting it to, I’m not hiding behind the medical explanation, it just makes it easier for me to accept what’s happening thinking of it in a matter of fact way – if that makes sense!! I know I need more exercise and it us definitely on my list of priorities!!!

      Comment by supersinglemum | November 22, 2011 | Reply


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