Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

Making Friends and Keeping Them

I’ve been thinking about writing a post about friendships for a little while now. The main reason I haven’t is because I don’t want to cause upset and also because sometimes the words don’t sound how they are meant. So bear with me and we will see what happens.

I’ve never been one to have loads of friends. I tend to have a few friends but the ones I have are good ones that I can talk to about anything. Since experiencing the worst deception from a friend almost 4 years ago, it is safe to say that I am and continue to be wary of new friends. There is no way of knowing if a friend will deceive you. There is no way of knowing what the future holds.

Not long after H was born I got involved in some groups at my local Children’s Centre and made some really good friends. They restored my faith in friendship, nights out were back on the agenda and all was good. Unfortunately, as happens in life, we all went our own way. One moved to Australia, another found a new group of friends nearer her home and the rest of us just don’t see each other much because of work, new babies and other commitments.

Now from my point of view, I have tried. Obviously when someone moves to the other side of the world it’s hard to see each other but I am sure we will see each other again and continue to keep in touch. When I see others from the old group I let them know my day off and say for them to give me a shout when they are free. The calls or texts never come. It hurts but I know we all have our own lives and things are always harder with kids about. Thing is though, there are only so many times I will try and get together with someone before I decide that my effort is in vain. Friendship has to be two ways surely?

My friends now consist of Mr D, friends of ours who live 30 minutes away and my family. Of course I have friends around the country from previous chapters of my life, but right now, there’s not really anyone who is my friend, who comes over for coffee, who I can tell everything to. That sort of friendship takes time, and in the last 4 years no one has stayed around in my life long enough to develop that kind of friendship.

So I’ve begun to wonder if it’s me. Having been diagnosed with depression last week I’ve thought a lot about me. Do I drive people away with my fear of being hurt by them, or am I no fun to be around? I do find it hard to approach people, I hate the school playground and cannot just walk up to a group of mums and join in, but a part of me is hoping that when H starts school in September, it will be a new start for me too and hopefully I’ll find a like minded mum who will stick around in my life!

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November 21, 2011 - Posted by | Friendship |

4 Comments »

  1. I hope we’ll always be friends, I miss you all heaps………… you never know we may meet up again sooner than you think 😉

    I’m always here for you (in the best way that I can be) if you ever want or need to chat. You are one of the best friends I’ve ever had. You don’t drive people away and although you may find it hard to approach people, you are approachable. I promise I’ll email later this week it’s crazy here at the minute, you’ll understand why when I email 😉

    sending you huge ((hugs)) Say hi to H and B xxxxxx

    Comment by mumtoj | November 21, 2011 | Reply

    • Cheers hun, feel pretty crap I’ve not been better at keeping in touch! The world is too big a place when you are the other side of it!!! I’m intrigued tho!!! Get emailing lol!!! Xxxx

      Comment by supersinglemum | November 21, 2011 | Reply

  2. Well, your post just prompted me to text a friend I had to let down a couple of weeks ago and that I’d promised to get in touch with so than you for that!

    Friendships do require both people to make the effort and life can get in the way.

    it’s also not so often that you find true kindred spirits.

    I was never the school yard type either (I have a habit of looking very aloof:) but I did get to know some Mums through my children and some of them have become good friends over the years. I’m sure you will find the same.

    Sounds a bit of a cliche to say get involved in stuff with the school but it helped me quite a lot so it might be worth a go.

    Comment by Sarah Mac | November 21, 2011 | Reply

    • Glad to have prompted you to get in touch with your friend!!

      I think sometimes it’s hard because life gets in the way, and sometimes that means when we need people it’s harder to say help! But everyone has stuff going on that just comes as a higher priority sometimes but the important friends, the ones worth having, always come through in the end!!

      As for getting involved at school, I’m very limited on that as a working mum and the school dont tend to do all that much to be honest!!

      Comment by supersinglemum | November 21, 2011 | Reply


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