Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

A Mother’s Worry Never Ends

I am constantly amazed about how much I worry about my kids, but just lately I seem to be worrying about everything and I mean everything! It’s all stuff I know is nothing, or is a phase, or isn’t enough to be a serious issue. Today though I found myself worrying more than normal. Today is the last day off work with both girls at home before my ex returns from working away and we start the lovely separated family sharing the kids regime again. So, maybe with that in mind, I am just worrying because what if he gets back and finds something wrong with the kids that he uses against me as a bad mother?

So here is a run down of my day of worry……..woke at 9am, no noise yet from either of the girls – are they ok? No, hang on, there we go H is out of bed and I just heard B cough so both ok. Girls climb in bed with me, I really shouldn’t have started this habit, we should get up and have breakfast. Go to the loo, H cries because I have left her behind, she follows then cries because I am done on the loo and she wants to stay in the bathroom! She cries a lot lately. She can’t be tired she is only just up. Get dressed. B goes to get dressed and has a strop about having nothing to wear. Get clothes out for H, nappies are all downstairs!

We get downstairs and I offer H breakfast, finally she agrees to have Cheerio’s, but they are full of salt and sugar, I really shouldn’t have let her eat them after she was ill and went off Weetabix a few weeks ago. She won’t touch Weetabix now and that was so much more healthy. B comes downstairs in clothes I am sure I threw away a month ago because they are too small for her. Am I crazy? I did sort her clothes out didn’t I?

H ate most of her cereal but now she wants a banana, I know it’s healthy and she could be asking for much worse, but is it really ok that she is only really eating bananas for breakfast these days? Is it a sign of something? Right, it’s now 10am, H needs to be dressed, S*** I didn’t change her nappy when we came downstairs. She probably hates me for making her sit in the same nappy she had on all night. Thankfully it’s not too full.

Off out for the day now. I hope they don’t get bored, we go for a walk, then find a play park. I brought some Hula Hoops with us as a snack as we are out over lunch. Hula Hoops for lunch? That’s not healthy. It’s not as warm as it has been and the kids are bored of the park already so lets head home.

EMERGENCY STOP, H is choking on her Hula Hoops, should have waited for her to finish before we headed home in the car. But she eats so slow, and the plan was they would occupy her so she didn’t nap till we get home. She shifts it before I get to her and B thinks she was going to be sick – because lately H has just been being randomly sick while eating. She’s not ill. And no 1 food triggers it. She didn’t have reflux as a baby, but I can only liken it to that. But it’s not all the time. Anyway, choking issue over so back to driving home – slowly, looking in the rear view mirror at her lots!

We get home at 1pm and now I am feeling really guilty the girls haven’t had lunch. H just wants cheese. She has a Babybel and a yoghurt. B has a babybel, a slice of bread and butter and a yoghurt. H goes for a nap. Me and B wash the car. She does a great job helping. Should I be making her help? Is she really enjoying doing it or just saying that? All done and we are soaked so we both put on our PJ’s. B wants to watch Wizard of Oz so on it goes. I sit and look at her. Is she putting on too much weight? I really should buy her new clothes. Her recent growth spurt means she only has about 3 outfits that fit properly now. Her shape is changing too. She’s only 7 should she really be changing already?

Ok it’s 4.30pm and H still isn’t up. Why is she sleeping so long? I know she used to but lately she has been having an hour max. Need to make tea too. It’s Sunday and we are having chips. That’s not right either is it! Too late to change it now though. H wakes, I cook, we eat in front of the TV. That’s not the norm but I have worn myself out with worry today and guilt is making me break the rules! H eats the ketchup off her spoon, doesn’t touch the fish cake or chips. In fact point blank refuses to even look at them. She even leaves her piece of cake for pudding. She’s hardly eaten today, is this fear that if she eats she will choke or be sick? She hasn’t eaten since the Hula Hoop choking incident other than smooth stuff – yoghurt and ketchup!

Bath time now, B doesn’t want one she is watching Jonathon Creek. Should she really be watching that, not only that should I have recorded it just for her? I run the bath and strip H’s clothes off, her belly looks huge. It’s like a beer belly. Is that normal for her age? Did B look like that at 20 months? No, no, must be fine else Mum would have noticed too. She asks for her toothbrush. I’m sure I should brush her teeth for her but she is little miss independent and likes to do them, but only when she is in the bath! Time to get out. Cuddles downstairs, nappy on, chocolate milk as she won’t drink milk. She won’t drink chocolate milk either lately. One mouthful and she is done. PJ’s on and off to bed. She settles straight away. I really need to get rid of dummy for sleep times though! Oh and I’m sure I should have started potty training already.

Time to read with B. She doesn’t want to read. I convince her. We don’t read enough. I mean we read every day, but should she be doing more especially as it is school holidays. She is also meant to write a bit each day about what she has done and she hasn’t started – we are a week into the holidays too – oops! Haven’t even checked her bag for Maths homework too! Am I really bad at this organisation thing, I bet all the other Mum’s and Dad’s have got homework sorted and PE kits washed – which while I think about it, I still need to do!

And stop, kids are both in bed, I can sit down once I have made lunches for tomorrow. Have I worried about enough. Does every Mum worry about the same things? Can anyone give me any ideas on the whole H refusing to eat thing, oh and the being sick? Worst thing is I know I will have this much worry about my kids till the day I die, the worry will just change!!!


April 11, 2010 Posted by | Parenting | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Just A Hard Woman Without a Heart

As per my previous few posts, life is great at the minute and I’m not going to pretend it’s not but I have to admit that I still sometimes wish I had someone to share it with. My family are fantastic and I love them to pieces for all the help and love and support they give me and my girls. I’ve also got some fantastic friends, but as is the case in life, friendships change and I have recently gone through some big changes in that a close friend has emigrated and another friendship has drifted apart. Other friends I don’t see now I am back to work, but at the same time new doors have opened in that I am making new friends both at and through my work.

It’s a hard one, on the one hand I love being a single mum, I am more at ease with life being on my own and my girls are happy. At the same time though, I have been single for 2 years and moved away from some dear friends when it happened. I still have my lonely moments. I hate the fact I have no one who I could call up and invite over for a glass of wine – because those friends I do have, have their own families who come 1st. I am a tough cookie to crack. I am completely honest in that after all I have gone through I don’t just let anyone into my heart any more, it takes me time and that’s no bad thing but does that make me come across as the tough cookie who needs no one else? If so I would like to shout out to everyone and say I do have a heart, I do feel lonely when the kids are in bed and I can’t go out and no one comes round.

Next weekend will be my 1st child free weekend for 3 months and I have NOTHING and NOONE to spend time with. My family are all meeting up and I am in two minds to go with them, or stay home and catch up on sleep and jobs – although to be honest I don’t think I could do 48 hours of my own company!  Where do people go to meet others these days? What do 30 something single women do when their married friends are all busy? I’m surely not the only single mum out there who feels like this at times?

April 11, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 12 Comments