Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

Some Time For Reflection

I have been having some issues recently with B. She turned 7 in January and since just before Christmas she has been acting more like a 14 year old. I am assured this is perfectly normal with girls, but we had reached a point where we were constantly shouting at each other. If she wasn’t shouting she was back chatting and being cheeky, she was refusing to do the most simple of things without moaning. Last week we hit a wall that I knew we either found a ladder to climb over together or we would end up slamming each other at the wall. The week started with her coming downstairs on Monday morning covered in talc. All over her school dress and all up her arms. When I asked she just looked guilty and denied doing anything. I took her upstairs to clean her up and discovered talc all over the sink. She had poured half a large carton of talc down the sink – supposedly to clean off the spilt toothpaste! I got angry and shouted at her and she went to school with us both in bad moods. A few days later I also discovered she had poured half the bottle of her mouth wash down the sink because she didn’t like the taste and didn’t want to use it. I tried to explain to her why that was not correct behaviour but yet again it resulting in us having an argument.171

Last Saturday whilst nursing a hang over and H was having her nap, me and B watched Supernanny. It was a repeat but I hadn’t seen it and within minutes I was telling B that the 8 year old on the show was treating her mum how she treats me. B was glued to the program, as was I. It filled me with hope when I saw her interest meant that she too was obviously not happy with our relationship. Anyway, the thing Supernanny did with the girl, was introduce the “refection area”. Much like a “Time Out”, the child gets sent to the reflection area for behaving incorrectly. A warning is given and if the behaviour continues then the child spends 1 minute per year of their life in the reflection area, at the end of which the behaviour is discussed and the child then is to apologise and then it is forgotten. After watching I asked B if she thought that might work. She agreed to it and we discussed where her reflection area would be (the porch), we also discussed the fact that we would consciously try and stop shouting at each other.

So, a week on and how are we doing? Well, I can count on 1 hand the amount of times I have shouted, which has been a complete weakness on my part BUT every time I have rectified my actions before it has ruined the positive progress. I would say B has visited the porch about 6 times over the week. The change in our relationship though is astounding. We talk now, we talk about how we feel, what we have been doing with our day. We have even been so well organised in a morning that she has time to play before going to school. We actually laugh together now without it turning into her getting over excited and me getting annoyed. Don’t get me wrong she still has her moments, but I feel like I have control back now. Instead of her winding me up and having a tantrum,the warning is given before she looses it. She has also learnt that when I say “no” it is for a reason and not just because I don’t want her to do or have something. I know I am not the only one who faces these issues because from talking to others with children the same age, particularly girls, it seems quite common that they are like this at this age. So I hope that my experience will help someone else too. Also, if you have tackled a similar problem a different way I would love to hear about it – in ca se this approach looses it’s effectiveness!

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March 27, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

6 Comments »

  1. I’m so pleased that this has worked for you. I keep fast-forwarding in my head and just know that I will have these troubles with Little Bean as she is a very headstrong little girl much like B. When that happens, please remind me how to cope!!

    Comment by mummymatters | March 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Oh I will, mainly because when it happens I’ll be doing it all over again with H!!!

      Comment by supersinglemum | March 27, 2010 | Reply

  2. Think I’ll give this a go with D, starting next week as we’re both off together for a whole week (screams inside!) and his behaviour has been like you’ve described for a while now. We both shout. I know it’s wrong too, but you get set in the way of it don’t you… I’ve tried reasoning with him too, and have started star charts with rewards, but this seems like another thing that’s worth a go.

    Comment by Louise @ WeeWifie's World | March 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Yes it’s a bad habit but so easy to fall into! Like you say, we have tried star charts and incentive charts and they worked for a time, but didn’t seem to work this time. To be honest though none of them worked as well as this has. I think it’s because this addresses the behaviour and also gives both parties a time to calm down and think about it rather than it being like all out war!!! Let me know how you get on with it!

      Comment by supersinglemum | March 28, 2010 | Reply

  3. I’m glad it’s worked for you! I might have to give this a go with the kiddo, although at 5 I’m not sure he’ll understand it just yet. Well done on getting somewhere!

    Comment by Suburban Mum | March 28, 2010 | Reply

    • Yeah 5 may be a little young as it’s supposed to help them “reflect” on their actions, at 5 I am not sure he would grasp that. I found incentive charts worked well when she was that age though.

      Comment by supersinglemum | March 28, 2010 | Reply


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