Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

The Wonderful World of The Single Mum

As many of you will know from reading my Blog, it has been 2 years since I became a single mum and it has been a rollercoaster ride. In the last 6 months though I have really embraced the fact that my life is my own and me and my girls are happy so that’s what matters. Every so often my ex works out of the area and as such is unable to have his alternate weekends with the girls, well we are now reaching the end of a 3 month period where he has been away, which means it’s been 3 months of not having to worry about the separated parents politics.

doug88888 @ Flickr.com

Anyway, what I am trying to get out here, is the fact that next weekend I have to go and spend a few hours with his family, and then a fortnight after, he is home, and then it goes back to the alternate weekend crap. I actually thought that by this stage I would be counting down the days till I had some time to myself. Maybe, had I managed to find a guy crazy enough to take on me and the kids, things would be different – but I honestly don’t have a clue what I am going to do with myself when I don’t have the girls for a weekend. Worse than that, in the summer they are having some of the holiday with him too, so that’s 2 weeks of me, myself and I! Ok at least I have my job now, but my kids are a pleasure, not a chore. Even when they are being pain’s, I love them being here. I had my kids within a marriage, which I thought would last forever, I never factored in having to wave goodbye to them every other Friday afternoon! I did it for 20 months and I don’t want to do it any more! I can say it’s nice to have a break, I can say it’s only fair to him (although actually what he did to me he did to the kids too and sometimes that makes it even harder for me to justify his right to see them), but at the end of the day this is nothing to do with him, or anything that happened to lead us to this situation, it’s me emotionally. I don’t want to have to get used to being without my kids for x amount of days of the year. I don’t want to have to explain why me and Daddy no longer live together, why Daddy now lives with someone who had always been referred to as an “Aunty”, I don’t want the one up man ship “We do that with Daddy”, all the time. I just want what I’ve had for the last 3 months and that’s an easy family life with me and my girls!

Ok please don’t think I will change what the arrangement is. I am always conscious that it is down to the girls to decide if they want to see Daddy and at this age they are both too young to really make that decision. When they get older, if they say they don’t want to go then I would never force them. And I won’t make them feel guilty for enjoying the time they have with him. I also won’t try and influence them into not wanting to go, or saying things to Daddy. No I stand by the fact that kids should not be used as tools when a relationship falls down. All I am saying is that these last 3 months have made me realise that until the girls are old enough to see him when they want, I am going to have to live with this whole access malarkey and I really don’t want to! I’ll try and keep busy and try not to dwell on it but if anyone has any tips on how to deal with weekends and time without the kids, then I would love to hear from you!

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March 26, 2010 - Posted by | Parenting | , ,

6 Comments »

  1. This is so hard. I was separated from my eldest’s dad when she was just two. I was on my own with her for 3 yrs. It was hard for me when she had to go off with him. He was not brilliant about really taking care of her either so she would come back with nappy rash or dressed in clothes too small, etc. But once I did meet someone and began a new life I actually really appreciated that time when she was away. It was a chance for me to just be single and develop this new relationship. The lonliness aspect of letting them go is hard to get through. I recommend trying to organise things for the weekends they are gone. Even if it means doing things on your own. Sitting around at home missing them is the worst thing to do. Have you got any other single mum friends? I was lucky in that a good friend of mine had also split from her hubby and she had a girl of a similar age. We did do quite a lot at weekends together. It is important that they have a good relationship with their dad even if he was at fault for the breakup. They need to have a dad. It will make life harder for you when they are older if they don’t have a healthy relationship with him. It’s hard to explain all this in such a short space. But I do know exactly how you feel. I went through it and now it’s 15 yrs later and my daughter is at her dad’s this weekend. I have remarried and have 3 other kids! So things do move on. I have always told friends who have split from their husbands to think about things in the long-term. At this moment you may hate him and not want him in their life but in the future you may feel different.
    Hope that helps! x

    Comment by eggscreamandhoney | March 26, 2010 | Reply

    • Hmm am a little concern my post came across wrong – I know they need to have the relationship with their dad and thats why they do see him, my view doesn’t come into that and I actually in no way hate hime even after what he did because yes I hate what he did, but I don’t have hate for him ass such and on the whole he is a good dad. My point was more about me and my feelings, like I say, I try and stay busy but right here right now I don’t want to have to! I know what you mean though, after writing last night I was woken this morning at 7am and actually thought, roll on them going back to his so I can have a lie in – I havnt had one for 3 months!!! My parents are close so that helps a little, i guess I just have to get back into that old routine! Cheers for your comment xx

      Comment by supersinglemum | March 27, 2010 | Reply

  2. I obviously see things from the opposite perspective to you as my SS comes to stay with us every other weekend. What we try to do though is get all our “jobs” out of the way on the weekends that we don’t have him, the things that you keep putting off like sorting the garage, the shed, stuff for ebay etc etc so that when he was with us we could just concentrate on him. Also, you KNOW you won’t be single forever and at that point you will be grateful for your weekends without them as it will allow you to be you and explore your new relationships. Its probably harder for you this time around as well as you are about to lose one very close friend and your other one isn’t around as much, you know what I mean. Chin up, it will get easier xxx

    Comment by mummymatters | March 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Yeah it’s true there have been alot of changes recently and by the time I am back to having free weekends I’ll really be lost!!! I’ll come help you pack lol! I know I should do my jobs etc – but there’s always something better to do!! And I hope not to be single for forever, but right now it kind of feels that way as I just don’t ever seem to be in a situation to meet anyone! I just hate change to be honest and this, all be it a change back to what it was last year,is a change I really don’t want right now!!! xx

      Comment by supersinglemum | March 27, 2010 | Reply

  3. We understand you. I hope you can move on with your life.
    Be happy as always 🙂

    Comment by hairdressers clifton bristol | March 29, 2010 | Reply


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