Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

The Natural Cycle of Friendship

I’m sure everyone has read the email which circulates regularly, with the message that people are in our lives for a specific reason. I don’t remember the exact words but you will know the one I mean. Now I seem to remember it says that friends enter our lives for either a reason, a season or a lifetime. I think that’s a really nice way to look of it instead of labelling people as “fair weather” friends. So in a nutshell, you have those friends who come into our lives when we need them, but only stay until that need has passed. This would be friends who you work with, who never become friends out of work and you loose contact when one or the other leaves the work place. Then you have the friends who are in your life for a considerable amount of time, but all seasons come to a natural end and so is the same with this type of friendship. Maybe this would cover friends at school or University. You share a big part of your life but then when life takes the next turn, your friendships change. Then, once in a while, your lucky enough to find a friend who stays in your life forever. The friend that you can move away from but still be as close to. The friend who would travel to the ends of the earth to help you at 3am for what ever reason.

I find it hard these days to forge friendships because I had the trust completely taken advantage of by a friend I thought was in my life for a lifetime. However, I have made new friends and kept hold of lots of old ones. At this moment in time I would say I only have 1 definite “lifetime” friend, one who I have worked with, got drunk with, talked through my marriage breakup with, live the length of the country from and only see once or twice a year – but it’s always as though we’ve never had great gaps in contact and I see myself as so priveledged to have this kind of friendship. I do however have 3 friends right now who I class as much more than reason, and hope they are not seasonal – but havn’t known them long enough yet to class as “lifetime”. But, as is the natural cycle, we are reaching a joint end of season and as much as we all look forward to what life holds for each one of us, I for one am also a little apprehensive about what will happen to the dynamics of our friendships.

My friends by janine berben @ Flickr.com

Today was the penultimate day where the 4 of us will be in a room together for probably some time if not ever. We met at the Children’s Centre to have a little surprise “Good Luck” party for mumtoj who is hopefully moving to Oz in the next few weeks. We didn’t manage to get her to shed a tear (although admit it, you were close to it when I dropped you home after!), however, I felt a pang of realisation that it’s all change now!! Also in the room was another brilliant friend MummyMatters who is happily 3 months pregnant, about to move (only down the road) and the fantastic BS (who hasn’t been convinced she should Blog yet), who is hoping to go to college in September and then on to Uni to get into nursing. Oh and me, starting work on Monday and so won’t be able to get to all our weekly groups. It’s all change, and all for the good but the chances are some of us will lose touch, if not in the short term then quite possible over time, events in life will make it harder to keep the friendships to what they have been. So, here is my message to my friends, and also to anyone who has lost touch with friends and feels regret:

 

I love our friendship

Remember the fun times we had, smile at the pictures and laugh with the memories and know that I am sat doing the same.

I hope I touched your life like you did mine, you made a difference and without you my life would be very different now.

It’s sad that sometimes we lose touch with people who mean the world to us, but know this – you mean as much to me now, as you did when we laughed and cried together, you mean as much to me now as the friend I am sharing stories with, and whenever I think of you I hope you are happy and loved with other friends in my place.

Too all my friends, past, present and future I thank you for making me the person I have grown into today, and the person I will become tomorrow.

I have just realised that kind of sounds like I am walking away from my friendships, that’s not the case, I just want you all to know that should life mean we grow apart, well that’s just what life is like and it doesn’t change the fact that you are all, and always will be, in my heart!

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March 17, 2010 - Posted by | Friendship | , , , ,

13 Comments »

  1. You have definately touched my life and J’s. I don’t know how we will cope over in Oz without all of you but I know we will stay in touch and I will be counting down the time ’til you visit, until then of course we’ll have the webcam. I hope I can sometimes join you all at DIPSS via the web. And yes I was close when you dropped me off but until we exchange it won’t become real, it’s then that it will really hit me. x

    Comment by mumtoj | March 17, 2010 | Reply

    • I think deep down I know your a friend for life!! You will be missed but if I’m not in direct contact all the time then I am sure you know thats because life can get in the way sometimes!!! Plenty of time to get tears from you yet!!! xx

      Comment by supersinglemum | March 17, 2010 | Reply

  2. Very nicely written.

    Comment by newdaynewlesson | March 17, 2010 | Reply

  3. I have been thinking the exact same thing, I also worry about where our friendships will go over the coming months but know this, you also are a very special friend to me and I hope that its not just our “season”. I shall be very sad to see MumtoJ leave but she will NEVER be forgotten.

    Now if you don’t mind I may be writing a similar version of this post myself in the next few days xx

    Comment by MummyMatters | March 17, 2010 | Reply

    • I am confident if it is a season – it will be a very long one! I’ll be calling round for coffee when ever I can!! I look forward to reading your post xx

      Comment by supersinglemum | March 17, 2010 | Reply

  4. I hope you all remain in touch for many years to come.

    I miss the friend I thought was a ‘lifetime’ one.. even though we have ‘kissed and made up’ as it were, it’s not the same.

    Comment by itsmygoodlife | March 17, 2010 | Reply

    • I know what you mean, sometimes friendship can be tested but honestly you should be thankful you have some of it left – I don’t know the situation but I mourned the death of one friendship and had to accept that the person I loved no longer existed because it was easier! I think I appreciate friendship more from the experience though! xx

      Comment by supersinglemum | March 17, 2010 | Reply

      • I am thankful, but as I have so few ‘real’ friends, I really needed her. We argued over money (the root of all evil) and it ended up with us not talking for 4 months, the worst bit was we ended on bad terms making the ‘make up’ that little bit more awkward.

        Friendships are so important, and the one thing I have learned from it, is not to lend or borrow money to or from friends. 😦 Which is hard as I’m one of those who’ll help anyone out.

        Beth x

        Comment by itsmygoodlife | March 18, 2010 | Reply

        • Yes I have always lived by this rule, a pound for a drink on a day out when they are skint, or little lends is fine – to be honest I probably wouldn’t take the money back, but I have never lent to friends unless I can afford to give it I’m afraid I look stingey! But I wouldn’t want it to get in the way of a friendship – too much other stuff does that as it is!

          Comment by supersinglemum | March 18, 2010 | Reply

          • Definitely won’t be lending any money out now! x

            Comment by itsmygoodlife | March 18, 2010 | Reply

  5. Beth-money is a wedge between people. Dave Ramsey (a financial guru in the usa) is totally against any kind of cosigning or lending of money. Because it always ends bad.

    If you can afford the money, give it as a gift. If not do not lend.

    Comment by newdaynewlesson | March 18, 2010 | Reply

    • Lol, just replied to Beth before I read this – yep this is my philosophy on lending!

      Comment by supersinglemum | March 18, 2010 | Reply


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