Super Single Mum's Blog

Life and all the shananigins!

Satisfaction Guaranteed

It’s 2.30am, bump has been wriggling about since I came to bed and all I want is a hug from my man who has been working away for 6 weeks and is on his last night of night shift before our long awaited weekend together. I hear the bedroom door open and the words “Are you awake I need to talk to you”. I know it’s over, after accusing him of seeing someone else, and being told not that he loves me and never would want any other, but that it says a lot about our relationship if I trust him so little. But the words hit my heart like a knife as he tells me it’s not just anyone but my best friend of 15 years, who had stayed with for the 6 weeks he was working away. Bump kept wriggling in oblivion of the fact my world has crashed. In the next room B sleeps deeply in her world of dreams. Even the dog is walking around tail wagging not realising life has ended. The knife is twisting and hurting even more as I listen to the words that seem to fall so easily from his lips, the lips that only 24 hours ago were mine. It’s not an affair, he loves her, he never loved me that way, it’s over, he will move out, I can stay in the house, he wants to be with her, he has always loved her since the 1st time he saw her……….why all the words, surely with this amount of pain my heart will burst and so I will die and I don’t need to be told this as life is over.

NO life can’t be over, bump is still reassuring me inside, the kicks are strong now, stronger than the pain and I know what I have to do. It will be hard, there will be tears and I will miss my friends, my work and my life but I have to go and start again. A new life. I have to go where my heart can heal. I have to be with people who can help me, support me and most of all I have to make sure my children don’t feel the pain I am in right now. I have to go to the only place I can think of going, where I know there will be open arms, where I know there is unconditional love, I pick up the phone….”Mum, can I come home?……….”

Friends by h.koppdelaney. Picture Credit: h.koppdelaney

That was almost 2 years ago. I’ve proved myself wrong and everyone else right – I can do it and I do it every day without even thinking about it. Oh don’t get me wrong, the thought of that night, writing it down and recalling the emotion is still hard because you never loose the memory of pain that betrayal causes. But I am 100% happier than I remember for a long time. Being a single parent was something I never thought or planned to be. I didn’t think for a second that H would end up with a half sister only 13 months younger than her. But life does sometimes throw the unexpected at us. And to top that, other people throw stereotypes around and think that because my marriage ended while I was pregnant and that I moved the length of the country, that obviously I had the affair, and the baby must not have the same Dad as B. Oh and because I went into the benefits system I am now a scrounger, even though I lost my job due to the combination of moving, maternity leave and the credit crunch.

So why write about this? Why now if I am so happy? Why bring this up again, everyone knows my story, everyone knows it’s been hard and I have learnt to shrug the stigmas off and not care what others think! Well it’s because now I feel I can walk away from the old life and truly run into my new life. I wake up everyday with a smile and my girls are happy (well, excluding the usual kids stuff). I’m starting work soon and I have just had a brilliant end to my week which has made me realise “I’ve done it!” This brilliant end to the week included a day of non stop laughter and smiles with three people who I can say are my best three “Since I became single” friends, i.e. they didn’t know me in my old life. So, here’s the sentimental stuff, Friend #1: Thank you for showing me that this sort of crap happens to others and that not only can I take help I can give it too, we’ve had some fantastic times, too many to mention here and you know I love you and here’s to many more. Friend #2: I for one wish you weren’t moving to Oz, sod the kids missing each other, I’m going to miss you and our mid week trips out with the kids. I hope you find happiness and I do understand that sometimes a new place can mean change in a lot of ways – Good Luck! And Friend #3: I gave you Twilight and you gave me blogging and boy oh boy am I grabbing this by both hands! We’ve had some laughs and if ever your feeling like you need a laugh I will gladly thread a bracelet and then drop it everywhere – your laughing now aren’t you!!!

Its Future is in our Hands - Live Earth by aussiegall.Picture Credit: aussiegal

I’ve probably bored all my other readers now, but the moral to this tale is simple; life only throws at us what we can deal with, and that which doesn’t kill us makes us a hell of a lot stronger. Change might not be wanted but we have to grasp it in both hands and make the most of it and who knows, we may end up happier in the long run – I have, every morning I wake with only 1 certainty, that there will be satisfaction guaranteed!

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February 26, 2010 - Posted by | Parenting | , , , , ,

8 Comments »

  1. I loved this post, absolutely loved it. But I loved it because of your honesty, and the obvious bravery in which you had during such a difficult time. It takes guts to do what you did. Life only throws at us what we can deal with, never a truer word spoken.

    CJ xx

    Comment by Crystal Jigsaw | February 26, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank you. I decided I had to get this out and have been inspired by some of the posts I have read this week. This week just made me realise how much I love my life and how I’ve come through the hard. I’m glad you enjoyed. xx

      Comment by supersinglemum | February 26, 2010 | Reply

  2. That is such a lovely post, you can really see that you have written from your heart. Even though I know the story its still hard to read it in words – you have done so well and have two amazing and beautiful daughters to be proud of. I truly hope that I never have to go through a heartbreak such as yours but if I do, I know that I would only need to look at you and Friend #1 to see that with the help of good family and friends, happiness is achievable. I hope you know that I consider you to be one of my “new” best friends too and I am always here for fun, laughter and tears too!

    PS. Yes I was laughing at the end!! xx

    Comment by Sabina Green | February 26, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks! Yeah was hard to write it, but now it’s done like I said I feel like I can now really close the door on that chapter of my life! Here’s to the future!! Roll on Thursday, what can I throw every wher this time lmao!!!
      xxx

      Comment by supersinglemum | February 26, 2010 | Reply

  3. Lovely! It seems that you’ve been through a lot of hardship and struggles all through out your life but reading at your post again I can see that you are a brave woman. I envy you for having that strength and bravery. I really love your post.

    Comment by kimberley5949 | February 27, 2010 | Reply

    • I don’t know if brave would fit – strength yes, I didn’t know I had it, but I never felt brave I just got on with it – ok wasn’t as easy as saying it but you know what i mean lol! Thanksfor your comment!

      Comment by supersinglemum | February 27, 2010 | Reply

  4. Wow, and what a story. i loved this post, so honest, soul baring and hey, who doesn’t love a happy ending? i am so glad you found that happiness, that peace.

    Comment by Heather | February 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Cheers! As much as I wont dwell on it I do think its important to remeber the bad things too, makes the good even better and hopefuly prevents the bad repeating itself! Glad you enjoyed reading xx

      Comment by supersinglemum | February 27, 2010 | Reply


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