Back to Work

This time five weeks ago I had made the decision to see the doctor about my depression and signed myself off sick for a week. Little did I know that would turn into 5 weeks off sick, but today I return to work!

I’ve come a long way in five weeks. I’m feeling much happier in myself, I’m not in tears at the littlest thing and I want to get back to normal. Five weeks ago I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, I didn’t think anything could lift the fog of depression. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not “fixed” yet. Recovering from depression takes time and I know that tomorrow morning I may wake up and want the world to go away. The difference now is that I have the ability to make myself do things no matter how hard it is.  So watch this space on how my day goes!

I am worried, worried being at work will knock me back, worried I’m not yet ready and so will mess up and effect my confidence. As the doctor said though, it is a case of trying it and seeing how it goes, the reassurance I can go and get signed off again if it gets too much is like a crash net beneath me so I know I won’t hit rock bottom again. I’ve also got the benefit of it being almost Christmas, so with bank holidays and annual holiday already booked, I’m pretty much only working 7 days over the next 3 weeks. So a slow steady return to work will hopefully be the best way to ease myself back to normal!

My biggest fear is not how I will be round my colleagues, but how I will be working with the families I work with. I’ve noticed lately I will panic uncontrollably over silly little things, like being in a very crowded room for H’s Christmas Concert, or meeting friends for a meal – what if they don’t turn up, what if the food is awful as I suggested the venue, what if they ask how I am and I cry…………..

Watch this space!

Step one – shout help ~ check

Step two – take some time ~ check

Step three – back to work ~ here goes!!

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